Ruined: A Story of Brokenness and Redemption
by hootowl
Summary: Set after Enishi's Jinchuu, but before the group splits. I've taken the liberty of doing some time bending. Originally lj100situations prompt response #32: Torn. Part III: I promised a conclusion. Here is my offering. KxK
1. Part I

Forgive the long AN. It's kind of important.

The story behind the story (since there's always a story) is that back in probably early 2006 I came across a number of fanfictions, in numerous fandoms (primarily Inuyasha), that..._glamorized_ rape. I got disgusted. I got angry. I broke out my laptop and slammed out several paragraghs. Yes, this is a retaliation fanfic more than anything. As a victim of domestic violence myself, it disgusted me that people would gloss over the emotional scarring the experience leaves behind. This is not so much about the actual rape, but the effects it has on the psyche of the victim and those around them.

I'm a fluffy writer. Most everyone who reads anything I write will agree with that assessment. I like portraying the humorous side of life. I like the positives. I like love and the warm fuzziness that goes with it. That said, this is not a warm-and-fuzzy-feeling story. This is a depressing story. That's why it's sat on my hard drive for nearly 6 years unfinished. I showed a rough sketch of it on my livejournal in mid-2007. I've done some editing, some expanding, and hopefully I've completed it to the satisfaction of others. Life's messy. There's no such thing a tied up loose ends. It's taken a lot for me the post this here.

Of course, standard disclaimers apply.

* * *

><p><strong>Ruined: A story of brokenness and redemption<strong>

**Part I**

The years of war had given way to years of peace and security. Families returned, homes rebuilt, and society reestablished itself. Edo became Tokyo and life continued. The years passed with few upsets in the new era. The city stirred when rumor grew of the Hitokiri Battousai wandering the streets. Unrest grew to a fever pitch when the rumor proved true and then settled into bemused confusion when Hitokiri Battousai was shown to be a diminutive man with flaming red hair and a friendly smile. And so, the 11th year of Meiji passed into autumn. New troubles rose and the fear of Hitokiri Battousai gave way to new terror of gangs robbing and targeting women and young girls in particular.

With the deepening shadows spreading across the city, most the the citizens retreated to the safety of homes and locked doors for the evening. Shouts and curses rose in a narrow, abandoned street followed by a woman's cry of pain and fear. A few stragglers paused, surprised when a young woman crashed around the corner, hair disheveled and clothing rumpled and torn. She ignored all she passed, intent on running. Seconds later, a group of men rounded the same corner, anger on their faces. Blood streamed from one man's nose and he swiped it away angrily.

"Get back here, you little slut!"

She dodged the rough hands that grabbed at her—ignoring the rip of cloth as she wrenched free—colliding with the side of a building, gasping in pain and reeling with dizziness. She hurt in places she didn't even know existed. She kicked out when they reached for her again, landing a lucky strike to a sensitive area, if the bellow of pain was anything to go by. She didn't wait to see the damage she'd inflicted and bolted.

"She's getting away!"

"I _know_ that, idiot!"

Clasping a hand to her side, she ran, turning corners and fleeing down alleys, her feet pounding heavily on the packed dirt road. She had to escape. She had to hide before they found her. She had to get away. She tripped over a broken and discarded bucket, crashing to the ground with a cry of pain when the impact jarred her wounded shoulder. She forced herself to her feet. She had to keep moving. Blood stung her eyes, streaking down her cheek and soaking into the collar of her ruined kimono. Temporarily blinded, she stumbled into the corner of a nearby building. Pain shot through her battered body and a soft cry left her. Shouts rose closer and she pushed away, gaining her feet again. Her mind cried out for help, but her mouth wasn't able to form the words.

They couldn't be far behind her. They'd already caught her once. What more could they want? She ducked around a corner and crouched behind a heap of trash, her breath coming in sharp pants, tearing at her bruised throat. Tears leaked from her eyes as she struggled to cover herself with the shreds of her kimono. She didn't know why she tried so hard anymore. Her life was over, but instinct fought for survival. Her hands shook uncontrollably and she gave up, stuffing a hand in her mouth to mute her sobs. She didn't have the strength to fight them again.

She could hear them looking for her, cursing when they were unable to see where she'd gone. Too close. They were too close. She crouched lower to the ground, attempting to make herself as small as possible. Tremors shook her body and tears course down her cheeks. She was ruined now. She choked back a sob, huddling closer to the wall as she waited for the men to pass.

What felt like hours passed with nothing but pain and terrifying memories to occupy her mind. Silence fell over the street but she knew better than to emerge yet. They might be waiting to ambush her when she believed she was safe. She waited. It was the only choice she had. Fear kept her immobile.

Gradually, the sun sank low over the western horizon and she took her chance. Slowly creeping from her hiding place, she cautiously peered around the corner. The street was deserted, but that didn't mean she was alone. Just a few more streets and she'd be safe.

She ran.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Megumi shooed the last of the young men out of the clinic, sighing with exhaustion. They wouldn't give up their pursuits. Couldn't they tell that she just wanted to treat her patients? She didn't need a man to come in and rescue her from a "man's job." She didn't want to sink back into oblivion, raising children and putting food on the table. She snorted, sweeping long, dark locks over her shoulder. She wasn't some weak little flower they thought needed care and protection. Lowering the bar across the gate, she returned to the clinic. She survived on her own this long, after all. A wry smile pulled at red lips. Perhaps that wasn't quite true. Leaving the shoji open to let in the warm night breeze, Megumi greeted the elderly doctor with a smile. "Gensai-sensei, that was the last of them. I'll close the clinic tonight so you can go home."

The elderly doctor grinned at her, pushing himself to his feet and shuffling toward her. "Thank you, Meguni-san. Don't stay here too late. You need rest before seeing to the patients tomorrow."

Megumi smiled and nodded, turning to clean her workspace in preparation for the next day. "I'll just straighten up first. See if I need to go to the market tomorrow."

"Very well. Good night, Megumi-san."

Gensai left the clinic to cross the yard to the small house that was tucked into a corner on the same property. As the stillness of the evening settled, Megumi could feel the muscles in her neck relax and the tension leave her body. This was her favorite time of day. She valued the short hours she had alone to relax and let her mind wander. Too bad it wandered all too often to that annoying rooster-headed street fighter. He seems to have a knack for finding trouble. She was surprised he made it this far in life without getting himself killed. A small frown pulled at her lips. Kenshin might have something to do with it. He kept the idiot alive when he should've been killed too many time for her to count. At least the worst of the battles seemed to be over. Megumi knelt at the table to concentrate on mixing powders. The methodic preparations for the next day were soothing. The clinic's gate was closed and locked so she didn't have to worry about people wandering in while she was alone. She gave a nod of finality when she jarred and sealed the las balm for the evening and was startled by a frantic banging at the gate. Curious, she rose and drifted toward the gate before suddenly becoming apprehensive. It was common knowledge that she worked late at the clinic and who knew what the visitor wanted. Gensai was really no protection if someone wished harm. She scowled at herself. Since when did she become a coward? She could take care of herself despite that whole Kanryu business. She squared her shoulders. If it was Sanosuke about his hand again she just might cut it off. "Who's there?"

She didn't have long to wait before she found out. She couldn't fail to note the tone of desperation in the voice. "Megumi? Megumi you've got to help me."

Alarmed, she threw back the bar and hauled the heavy door open. She thought situations like this had ended with Enishi's Jinchuu. Just how many enemies did that man _have_? Blinding panic gripped her, choking the air from her lungs. Kenshin wouldn't be able to survive another similar attack. "What is it, Kaoru? Is it Ken—Oh, kami."

Her words died when she saw the young kendo instructor. Kaoru stood leaning against the gate post, her chest heaving with great, gasping breaths. Megumi was accustomed to Kaoru's nontraditional and sometimes eccentric behavior, but the dark bruise marring her left cheek and the ragged appearance of her kimono as well as the tears welling in her eyes took the doctor aback. Womanly sense told her that something terrible was wrong. This wasn't the result of a kendo skirmish that got a little out of hand. Dread filled her as hushed whispers from the men that drifted through the clinic fluttered through her mind. They'd never directly told her what the rumor was but she had a good idea. She'd seen many broken women, but she never guessed that Kaoru would be one of them. Kaoru had more of a fighting chance than the others. She could be a force to be reckoned with when she put her mind to it. Kaoru staggered through the gate, breath hitching and tears choking her voice. "Megumi—"

Megumi caught her as her legs collapsed and she quickly helped Kaoru into the clinic. Kaoru clung to Megumi's clothes like a life-line. Megumi settled the sobbing young woman on the clinic's futon and scurried about making tea before turning to Kaoru. Now that Kaoru was in decent light, she was worse than Megumi originally thought. The bruise slowly forming on her left cheek looked like it would be dark and her lip was split. Bruising spread from her left eye up to her forehead where a cut at her hairline had spread blood down her cheek and neck and into the collar of her kimono. Beneath the blood on her neck, Megumi could make out the beginnings of a hand-shaped bruise. Apparently, whomever attacked Kaoru was forced to subdue her quite violently. No doubt Kaoru fought tooth and nail and Megumi had the distracted hope that they fared worse than Kaoru for their endevour. The heart-wrenching sobs that continued to come from Kaoru tore at Megumi and any playful teasing that existed between the two women vanished. Megumi shifted forward, hands hovering over Kaoru's quaking form, afraid to cause any further injury. "Kaoru, what happened?"

Haunted sapphire eyes met her gaze and Megumi felt her stomach drop and a cold sweat break out. She had hoped… but Kaoru was shattering before her eyes. "They―they―I couldn't―"

She didn't need to finish. Megumi knew what happened and she hated that it had to happen to someone she'd come to think of as family. She carefully hugged Kaoru before turning and retrieving a cup of tea. She placed it in Kaoru's hand, curling stiff fingers around the cup. There were things she needed to do to ensure Kaoru's recovery. Things she had to prepare the rest of their odd family for. But first: "Drink this. It'll calm you. I'm here."

Kaoru's trembling nearly upset the teacup and Megumi cupped her hands around hers to steady cup. Kaoru drank mechanically and in a matter of minutes her sobs slowed and her eyes drooped. Megumi held her hand as the sedative took effect, gently smoothing blood soaked hair back from her face. Kaoru struggled for a moment before giving up and slipping into a drug induced sleep. "I'm sorry…Ken…shin…"

Once Kaoru was completely out, Megumi allowed her own tears to slip. She did not pity the pain the men would be in when Kenshin caught up with them and she had no doubts that Kenshin _would_ find them. He was, after all, fiercely protective of what was his and, despite his insistence to remain a wanderer—though he didn't appear to have plans to wander any time soon—he seemed to have accepted their unusual group as family. She quickly set to work cleaning and patching Kaoru's injuries. Kaoru had to be taken care of before she went to the Kamiya dojo to break the news. But, if she knew Kenshin, he'd probably get here before she had the chance to leave. She half hoped he'd wait. She had to collect herself.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Kenshin stood on the porch of the Kamiya house, violet eyes gazing intently toward the gate. The sun had set not too long ago and Kaoru had not returned for dinner. Kenshin was restless, an unsettling feeling tugging at his senses. Kaoru rarely returned after dark and she'd made certain to return early after hearing the rumors in the market. Kenshin frowned. Unsettling rumors.

Yahiko greedily eyed the uneaten meal Kenshin had left on the table. "Oi! Kenshin, you going to eat that?"

The ex-assassin ignored the young boy and Yahiko shrugged, reaching over to snag Kenshin's untouched food. The unease grew within the rurouni. A cool wind blew and he turned slightly to regard the direction it blew from before shifting his sakabatou and stepping toward the gate. Yahiko grunted, pausing as he shoveled food into his mouth to watch him go. "Where are you going?"

He gave Yahiko an easy smile, hiding the growing concern behind a sunny mask. "I'm going to find Kaoru-dono. She has not returned and it is getting late, that it is."

Yahiko scowled, setting down his chopsticks and coming out onto the porch. "Why do you worry about her? Busu can take care of herself."

"All the same, this one is concerned that she has not returned."

Yahiko looked as if he were about to argue when Kenshin's eyes snapped toward the gate and a moment later Sanosuke rushed through, looking around the yard. "Is Jou-chan here?"

Yahiko frowned, staring at Sanosuke in confusion. Kenshin's eyes flashed briefly, his hand tightening around the hilt of the sakabatou, and Sanosuke stepped back at the murderous look that entered his eyes. "What happened?"

Sanosuke wasted no time explaining what he'd overheard. "Two guys were talking about a sword wielding girl they'd…been playing with. Apparently they lost her and were…"

He trailed off when Kenshin vanished before he could finish. The fighter-for-hire blinked rapidly, glancing over his shoulder at the gate that still stood open. Kenshin was gone without a word and there'd be no catching up with him. Yahiko's eyes widened and he paled, staggering backward a step or two. Sanosuke quickly turned to him. Yahiko's thoughts tumbled over themselves. He could remember his mother's broken cries, the bruises, and her fading smiles. "Kaoru...is Kaoru okay?"

Sanosuke smiled uneasily at the boy, showing more bravado than he felt. "I'm sure she's perfectly fine. Jou-chan can take care of herself, right?"

Yahiko didn't look comforted and he sank down to the porch, waiting anxiously for Kenshin's return. He would not be resting until he saw both Kenshin and Kaoru return safely to the dojo.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Megumi just finished wrapping Kaoru's broken hand when the red-haired swordsman rushed in with a swirl of autumn air. She jumped, startled at his sudden appearance but didn't expect any less. She half expected him to arrive sooner and, since she hadn't heard the gate, she assumed he jumped the wall. She stood quickly, blocking his way to Kaoru's side. The glare he leveled on her made her flinch, but she remained firm. Kenshin wasn't about to hurt her and she wasn't an enemy. "I need to speak to you, Ken-san."

He didn't say anything but his eyes traveled to the futon he could just see behind her. He was clearly retreating behind the mask he'd worn as Battousai and she reached out to touch his arm, to draw him back to the present―to draw him out of the past. "She's sedated. She'll wake in half an hour or so."

He seemed to weigh her words and, with one last searching look at Kaoru, nodded and stepped back out of the room when Megumi motioned for him to move. She stepped out with him, carefully sliding the fusuma closed behind her. She wanted more time. She wanted to forget. She wanted to cry. Gathering her thoughts and pushing aside feelings that welled up inside, she faced Kenshin. If the former hitokiri had been the pacing type, she was sure he'd be wearing a hole in the floor. As it was, he stood silently, his anxiety only betrayed by the white-knuckled grip he had on his sakabatou. She sighed and Kenshin stiffened, somehow sensing the worst. "Is she okay?"

His face remained expressionless but his voice had a hard edge to it, the only hint of the anger that lurked beneath the surface. Megumi's eyes teared and she looked away, hugging her arms to herself. "It's hard to say. Kaoru has a strong spirit, but these types of things tend to break people. She―she fought them. They didn't take her easily."

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kenshin lower his head to hide his eyes with his bangs. The grip he had on his sakabatou shifted as if to draw and she would hazard a guess that his eyes took on the golden-eyed gleam of the hitokiri. Megumi held her breath, unsure if he would turn and hunt down the men responsible or remain at the clinic. She had a feeling that if he left now, he'd break his no killing vow and she wondered how she was going to prevent it—or if she even wanted to—but, suddenly, his hand relaxed and his head tilted toward the fusuma. A moment later Megumi heard a soft whimper. Kaoru was waking up. Before she could stop him, Kenshin stepped around her and slid the fusuma open. A sound of protest escaped her but was silenced at the look he gave her before he slid the fusuma closed again. It was best to not push Kenshin tonight. His control was thin enough already. She stared silently at the rice screen before turning away. She'd return to her work and, perhaps, she'd get some sleep. Though she doubted it would be very restful.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Kenshin's fingers tightened on the wood of the rice screen, waiting until he felt Megumi move away before turning into the room. He wasn't sure what he expected to find when he first felt Kaoru's trembling ki as he approached the clinic. The relief he felt that she was alive nearly made him stumble over the clinic's walls. But anger and fear were quick on the heels of that relief. That she would come here instead of home spoke much of her condition.

Kenshin crossed the room on quiet feet, sinking down beside Kaoru's still form. He'd lived through a gruesome war, saw and even participated in some terrible acts, but the sight of Kaoru's bruised and beaten skin caused bile to rise in his throat. Guilt weighed him down even as rage threatened to burst forth. Part of him wanted to hunt down the men that harmed her like the animals they were, but the greater part wanted to stay by her side. She moved restlessly, pain marring her features. She was waking and it was obvious that it wasn't a pleasant experience.

He frowned, passing a whisper of a touch over the bruise on her check, tracing over her jaw to linger on the one on her throat. He scowled, tilting his head to get a better look. His hand covered it, observing how she had been held before snatching it back as if he'd been burned. Megumi had replaced her clothing, he'd seen the pile of discarded, torn cloth when he entered. Kenshin could see the bandages through the thin yukata Kaoru now wore. He was sure she had other injuries he couldn't see.

A sharp jerk and a low moan of pain brought Kenshin's eyes back to Kaoru's face and he held his breath. He'd seen what happened to abused women before and he wasn't going to let that happen to Kaoru.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Blackness receded to a dark gray and Kaoru groaned, whimpering slightly when pain shot through her. Pain in places she'd never before had pain, places she hadn't even known existed before now. She tried opening her eyes but everything was blurry and the dim light from the candle hurt so she closed them again. Even breathing hurt. A feather light touch on her hand made her aware that she was not alone and she flinched, a fearful whine escaping her before she could suppress it. The touch pulled away and she opened her eyes, turning her head slightly. Color invaded her senses, a red blur and, for a moment, nothing else. The candle shifted and dimmed slightly and her vision cleared. Kenshin knelt by her side, wide, violet eyes watching her intently. His expression softened as she recognized him, his words quiet and soothing, "Kaoru-dono, you're awake. I've been worried."

He watched tears fill her eyes before she turned away, trying to hide her face. The feather-like touch was back a moment before he grasped her hand. She tried to pull free but he kept a firm hold. Kaoru went limp, keeping her face turned away. "Go away, Kenshin."

"I cannot, Kaoru-dono." She felt him shift before she felt the coolness of his hair caress her hand as he bowed. "Gomen nasi, Kaoru-dono."

She turned to look at him, her breath catching in a sharp sob. "For what?"

Guilt-ridden violet eyes looked up at her from beneath a fringe of fiery hair. "This unworthy one failed to protect you."

He released her hand when she tugged it, sitting back and fully expecting rejection but was surprised when she reached for him, seeking comfort. He hesitated only a moment before gathering her close to himself, allowing her to cry into his chest. He buried his face in her hair, trying to control his own tears when each one of hers tore at him. She clutched at him desperately, sobbing apologies into his gi in a wordless keen. He rocked her carefully, whispering, "I am here. I won't leave you, Kaoru-dono."

Eventually, her sobs subsided and she fell into an exhausted sleep. Kenshin continued to hold her, keeping watch over her sleep and soothing nightmares away. Near morning, Megumi checked in to see how Kaoru was doing before leaving a tray of food and closing the door to open the clinic for the day's patients. Kenshin would see to Kaoru's needs with greater skill than herself at this point.


	2. Part II

**Part II**

_Nearly three months have passed._

Kenshin knelt beside the washbasin, his arms submerged up to his elbows in soapy water as he worked at scrubbing out the dirt of one of his spare uwagi. He kept his senses alert, his eyes constantly traveling the yard even as he hummed a mindless tune. Yahiko practiced by himself inside the training hall, trying to keep up his practice until Kaoru was feeling better. Sanosuke disappeared from the dojo every morning, returning in the evenings just in time for dinner. He never said where he went during the day but Kenshin had his thoughts. When he went to the market he noticed the thugs looking skittish and even more so when they caught sight of him. There had always been a leery, watchfulness when he was in town but now it'd grown to outright fear since news of the attack had spread. No one wanted to draw his attention. It didn't help that he'd been on edge since then.

Kaoru…

Kenshin sighed, shifting his eyes to the engawa nearby. Things had definitely changed in the dojo. The days were unusually calm and silent. After three weeks of hiding in the house, Kenshin finally managed to convince Kaoru to sit on the engawa. She sat in the same spot every day since then, always within sight of Kenshin. The bruise on her left cheek had faded by then and Kenshin was relieved to see it go. He hated the blackish-blue mark that marred her beauty and it served as a constant sharp reminder that he failed to protect her and she'd paid the price. His fingers clenched in the cloth beneath his fingers and he turned his gaze back to the soapy water. She was wearing that oversized uwagi again. He glanced at her. Yup, she was trying to make herself as small as possible.

He quickly rinsed the uwagi he was scrubbing and rose to hang it carefully on the poles to dry. Kaoru watched him though she lacked any real emotion. Gone was the strong, vibrant young woman who'd challenged him on the foggy streets of Tokyo. In her place was a shattered woman, her eyes dull and staring. She often cried and, though she tried to hide it from him, he still heard.

"Kenshin?"

Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper but he was attuned to her. He turned, smiling softly. "Hai, Kaoru-dono?"

She ducked her head, her fingers twisting anxiously in the sleeves of her uwagi. "You―you don't have to force yourself to stay here."

Kenshin blinked, straightening from when he bent to pick up another article of clothing. She didn't look up at him, instead focusing on her lap. He frowned and he saw her head sink lower. "Force myself, Kaoru-dono?"

A soft sniffle reached him and his hand tightened on the cloth. Her tears affected him like nothing ever had. "Hai. You don't need to stay. I understand if you don't want to stay with a―a _ruined_ woman."

She said ruined with such hate and self-loathing that Kenshin was caught off guard, muttering a soft, "Oro?" He quickly regained himself when he saw her shudder and heard a sharp sob. "Gomen, Kaoru-dono. I don't think you are ruined, that I do not."

She sobbed into her hands and Kenshin dropped the piece of clothing he was about to wash to quickly comfort her. He'd gotten better at offering her comfort though the initial contact was still awkward. Kaoru didn't seem to notice and she clung to him. Kenshin rested his cheek against her head, holding her gently. "Would you like to see Megumi-dono? She might have more tea, that she might."

She shook her head and Kenshin sighed. He knew she hated the tea but she wasn't sleeping. Kenshin knew because _he_ wasn't sleeping either. Her sleep was plagued by nightmares and she'd often wake screaming. The first few nights, Yahiko had nearly collided with Kenshin running to Kaoru's room with a bokken in hand to defend her. After that, Kenshin could see him lingering in his door, pale and shaken but afraid to move any further. He knew Yahiko's sleep was plagued by nightmares, too, dragged forth from the deep recesses of his memories.

Since his own sleep was troubled, Kenshin took to prowling the dojo at night instead. Something he hadn't done since the Bakumatsu. It left him feeling threadbare and strained, but he'd be at Kaoru's side the moment her dreams took a turn for the worse in attempt to save Yahiko from further scarring and Kaoru reliving her own horrors.

Kaoru's sobs eventually quieted but she didn't move away. It was then he noticed it. A slight waver in her ki. It wasn't quite _wrong_, which was why he dismissed it the few other times he'd felt it, but it wasn't quite right either. His hands shifted and he tilted his head to give it a closer examination, but Sanosuke entered the dojo, calling, "Oi, Kenshin! When's dinner? I'm starving."

Kaoru drew away from him immediately and Kenshin rose to his feet, eyeing Sanosuke's disheveled appearance. The man had fresh bruises and new bandages wrapped his knuckles. Brown eyes flicked over the two of them and Sanosuke smirked, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Hey, Jou-chan."

The words tried to come out casual, even cheerful, but Kenshin didn't miss the strain behind the words or the awkward smile that came with them. Kenshin didn't blame him. The fighter-for-hire was attempting to return things to normal. Or, establish the new normal. Kenshin stepped toward the kitchen to see about preparing a meal, but a tug on the sleeve of his uwagi stopped him. Kaoru tugged on his sleeve again, knuckles white. Lost eyes turned up to him. "Kenshin…"

"Kaoru-dono?"

Kaoru closed her eyes, taking a deep, shaking breath. "I don't feel right."

Tears filled her eyes and her lips quivered. Her ki flared, sparking against his, and Sanosuke moved forward but Kenshin was closer and moved faster. Kaoru's eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted. Kenshin caught her, cradling her in his arms, and Sanosuke leaned over them. "What happened?"

Kenshin brushed her hair back from her eyes, quickly scanning her features and then the rest of her body for some kind of explanation. She groaned and his jaw tensed. "Get Megumi-dono."

"Kenshin―"

Violet eyes flashed up at him briefly and Sanosuke shifted away, startled. Without another word, Kenshin scooped her up and moved swiftly into the house. Knowing that if he followed Kenshin would likely lash out, Sanosuke quickly left the dojo, hurrying for the clinic. Megumi was sure to be at the clinic at this time of day.

Kenshin kicked open Kaoru's futon and carefully settled her, tucking blankets around her before kneeling beside her. Kaoru shifted restlessly, groaning softly. Hours seemed to pass before Megumi entered the room, followed by an anxious Sanosuke.

"You didn't have to manhandle me, you birdbrain. I am perfectly capable of walking. Kaorus fine…"

She trailed off when she took in the scene before her. Emotions raged within the redhead's eyes even if his features remained calm. He looked a step away from turning into the Hitokiri Battosai and slaughtering every poor soul that got in his way. Kaoru groaned and her gaze shifted to her. Megumi strode to the futon, briskly setting the medicinal box down as she knelt. "How long has she been like this?"

"I already told ya, Kitsune."

Megumi ignored Sanosuke. "Kenshin?"

Kenshin's hands clenched periodically where he placed them on his knees as if anxious to do something, anything, to help. "She's been feverish most of the day."

She nodded, pulling the medicinal box to her and swiftly opening it. "Anything else?"

Sanosuke snorted but said nothing. Kenshin frowned, gazing into the distance. Megumi continued her work silently, waiting for Kenshin to gather his thoughts. Finally, deep violet eyes focused on Megumi's hands sliding over Kaoru's forehead, his words hesitant and unsure, "Her ki is…off."

Her hands stilled and she looked up. "What?"

"Her ki―"

Megumi's lips pursed, interrupting, "How?"

Kenshin's eyes swept over Kaoru. "I'm not sure. Just…down here. There's _something_. A disturbance in her energy flow."

His hands moved above Kaoru's torso and abdomen, long fingers stroking the air as if feeling the energy that swirled around the unconscious girl. Megumi's frown deepened and Kenshin jerked back when Kaoru groaned. Megumi cleared her throat. "Leave the room."

Kenshin's eyes narrowed but Megumi remained firm. Sanosuke moved into the room and put a tentative hand on Kenshin's shoulder. "Come on, Kenshin. Megumi will take care of Jou-chan."

Reluctantly, Kenshin followed the taller man from the room. Sanosuke slid the door closed and turned to Kenshin where he restlessly paced the hall. Sanosuke gave a quiet grunt and leaned against the wall, folding his arms. "Do you know what's wrong?"

Eyes flashed and Kenshin stilled, staring unseeing towards the dojo gates. Silence stretched for several long minutes before Kenshin turned away, choosing a different topic of conversation. "Did you find them?"

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Kaoru felt like her head was stuffed with feathers and her limbs felt like lead. Her groan sounded loud in her head and she forced her eyes open. She was in her room, tucked securely in her futon, the shadows long across the room. Voices gradually filtered through the fog in her head.

"She'll sleep for a while. She needs rest."

_Megumi_. Kaoru struggled to follow her thoughts. What was she doing here?

"She hasn't been sleeping, that she has not."

_Kenshin_.

A quiet scoff. "Neither have you, Ken-san."

Tea cups clinked against a tray and, with some effort, Kaoru turned her head towards them, squinting to see through the dim light. It was later than she thought. What happened? Kenshin was kneeling across from Megumi, a tray with tea things between them, and she saw him give a strained smile. "I cannot."

Megumi's lips pursed and she set her cup down, leaning forward and brushing her hand across his forehead and clicking her tongue disapprovingly. "You are no good to her sick, Ken-san."

Kaoru lifted a heavy hand to her own head and her movement drew their attention. Kenshin was at her side in a moment, leaning over her and searching her face anxiously. "Kaoru-dono, how do you feel?"

Tears welled in her eyes and she tried a weak smile. "Kenshin."

He smiled gently, his hand reaching for her before dropping to his side again. "You'll be fine, Kaoru-dono."

The effort to keep her eyes open proved too difficult and she closed them again with a sigh, murmuring, "It's quiet."

"Hai. Sano took Yahiko for tonight. You need to sleep."

Kaoru grimaced as her lower belly cramped. The feeling was familiar, but different. Sharper. She hadn't noticed it earlier so Megumi's drugs must be wearing off so she voiced a previous thought, "What happened?"

Kenshin's expression shifted slightly and he glanced at the doctor, but didn't answer. Megumi knelt next to her, taking her temperature and running through a general examination. "How do you feel? Any pain?"

Kaoru was silent, assessing her body. "Not really."

Megumi nodded. "Good. You'll be uncomfortable for a few days but it'll pass," she turned to the redhead. "Ken-san, I gave you a ginkgo tincture that should help with any depression. Remember how to mix it?"

"Hai, Megumi-dono."

Kaoru fatigue dragging her back to sleep. She pushed against it, sensing something amiss that the others hadn't mentioned. "Kenshin…"

Kenshin put the items Megumi handed to him aside, settling next to her futon. "Hai, Kaoru-dono."

"What happened?" she repeated.

Megumi swooped down, handing Kenshin a teacup. "It's passed; you're on the mend. You were just…" she trailed off, glancing at Kenshin before deciding to ignore him. "You're just late for your cycle. You'll feel better in a few days."

Despite her obvious fatigue, Kaoru frowned in confusion, struggling to form a question. "My cycle? But I―"

Megumi shushed her quickly, ignoring the suspicious look Kenshin gave her. "Just rest up, Tanuki. Everything will be fine."

"I haven't been called 'Tanuki' in a long time," was the sleepy murmur before Kaoru dropped once more into a drug induced sleep.

A sad smile touched Megumi's lips. "I know, Tanuki."

She turned and packed her belongings, pointedly ignoring Kenshin's gaze. The man was smart, no matter what he led others to believe.

"Megumi-dono."

Just her name, spoken softly with just an edge of steel behind it, and she flinched. Her hands stilled for a moment, the only sign that she had heard the unasked question. She heard the slow intake of breath behind her and she too took a breath, attempting to calm her rioting emotions and present him a calm expression. She could cry when she was alone.

"Megumi-dono."

Once again, just her name but the demand was unmistakable. She would not be able to leave without answering. She closed her eyes, taking another breath and releasing it slowly before she turned to meet his sharp look. For a moment, thought fled. Violet eyes seemed to read her face like an open book. His jaw tensed and his mouth thinned and he waited.

"It's just woman issues, Ken-san. Nothing to worry about."

His eyes flickered, analyzing her words. Hearing what she'd left unspoken. "I see."

He dropped his eyes to the sleeping young woman. No doubt he did see, Megumi thought. The former man-slayer saw more than he let on most of the time. When Kenshin said nothing more, Megumi rose to her feet and picked up her medicinal box.

"Is it over?"

She hadn't expected him to ask any more questions. "There should be nothing new."

Kenshin nodded without looking up at her. "Sano will walk you home."

Megumi opened her mouth to protest, but then thought better of it. She needed the company. She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, feeling him tense beneath her palm. "You might want to tell her."

"Oro?"

Her hand dropped from his shoulder. "She needs to know she's still loved. Especially now."

"Aa."

* * *

><p>AN: There will probably eventually be a Part III. I've got to have some kind of conclusion to this drama.<p> 


	3. Part III

AN: This is rather a concise ending (and I can't claim to really be happy with it) but after many years, I don't think I will change much, if anything. Recovery is not something linear. Sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back, other times it's two steps forward and one step back. The process takes many more words than I wish to devote the time to write and I have no desire to dwell in the past any more than I currently do. That said, I hope it's satisfactory.

**Part III**

The night was dark. A new moon. Kenshin stood on the engawa, gripping a post as he stared, unseeing, out at the darkness. He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly through his nose. So, the last physical traces were gone. Those wounds would heal in time. His shoulders slumped and his hand tightened on the post, wood splintering beneath his fingers. The sharp pain was a welcome relief to the guilt that swamped him. Some scars went deeper than the surface. And some wounds never healed, but still…

"I heard you had some trouble recently," the speaker paused as if considering something, "Battousai."

The sudden intrusion of words on his thoughts did not surprise Kenshin. The man made no effort to hide his presence and Kenshin made no motion to face him. He acknowledged him simply by name. "Saito."

The police officer released a puff of smoke, gold eyes narrowing at the smaller man's back. Tension stretched across the redhead's shoulders even as he detected a note of weariness. "Where's the girl?"

"Resting."

The answer was short and to the point. Saito took another drag on his cigarette, carelessly knocking ash away. He could guess what the stubborn rurouni was thinking. The man made it too easy. "And here you are, mourning another loss of life."

Kenshin flinched and he turned sharply toward the man, eyes flashing angrily. He was close to breaking and didn't need the other man prodding at wounds that refused to heal. "Is there something you need, Saito?"

The officer smirked, flicking away his spent cigarette and pulling out a new one. Kenshin barely acknowledged the disrespect. Saito casually lit the cigarette, releasing a puff of smoke before speaking again, "I am surprised, given your current state, that you didn't hunt down the men yourself." He caught the sharp look the smaller man sent him. "That idiot friend of yours proved somewhat useful. I thought you'd be interested in the results of my investigation, Battousai."

Kenshin said nothing, his eyes narrowing to slits of gold. His hand immediately rested on the hilt of his sakabatou, tightening until his knuckles turned white. Saito suppressed a pleased smirk. The manslayer still lived within the peace-loving wanderer no matter how much he tried to deny it. But Saito was not here for a fight. Kenshin would refuse at any rate, despite the Battousai hovering close to the surface. Saito took another drag, meeting Kenshin's eyes. "Aku Soku Zan."

Kenshin's head jerked, his hand convulsing on the hilt of the sakabatou. Swift death to evil. The words meant one thing. The problem was dealt with. Tension left him and Kenshin frowned, his expression conflicted. Smoke curled around Saito as he casually smoked, appearing content to let Kenshin suffer through his own issues. The movement brought Kenshin back to the present and it was violet eyes that frowned at the officer in reproach instead of the gold that had been present before. "Those will kill you one day."

Saito lifted an eyebrow, responding dryly, "I am prepared to meet my end. Tokio would like to visit before we leave town."

Surprise crossed Kenshin's face and a part of Saito wondered how the other man survived the Revolution. The Battousai had never been so easy to read before. Battousai had grown soft. "Leave?"

Thin lips pulled up in a smirk and he turned away, fading into the darkness. "My assignment here is complete. You are no threat to the average civilian nor, I would venture a guess, to the not-so-average. I will bring my wife to talk to the girl."

Saito's presence faded from the dojo yard and the sounds of night intruded once more. Kenshin took another breath. The air was cool. The darkness was comforting. Slowly, the hand around the hilt of his skabatou relaxed and he let it fall back to his side. He passed a hand over his eyes, releasing his breath slowly. So it really was over. Now they just had to pick up the pieces and live. So many parts of him had shattered he was surprised there was still something else to break.

A soft sound inside drew his attention. It was time to return to Kaoru's side. She'd be afraid if she woke up alone and in pain. The door slid open before he reached for it and Yahiko froze, dark eyes staring up at him in surprise. Kenshin's heart clenched. The boy's eyes were too old for his age. He smiled, putting a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder. "You should be in bed, that you should."

Yahiko frowned, giving a tiny shrug of his shoulders as he let his gaze drop away from the former assassin. "Couldn't sleep. I thought you were still up."

"I was going back to sit with Kaoru-dono, that I was."

Yahiko sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, shifting restlessly on his feet. "Can I sit with you?"

Kenshin opened his mouth to gently send the boy back to bed, but then he caught the quick glance and the darkness behind his eyes and he changed his mind. "Did you have a nightmare, Yahiko-chan?"

The self-proclaimed samurai of Tokyo blushed, muttering, "It was nothing."

Kenshin could understand nightmares. His sleep was filled with them and not all of them featured scenes from the Revolution. Kenshin gave the boy a gentle smile. "Come, we'll sit with Kaoru-dono for a while."

Kenshin quietly entered Kaoru's room, kneeling next to her futon and turning to motion for Yahiko to join him at his side when the young boy hovered hesitantly at the door. The night passed quietly. Yahiko eventually slumped against Kenshin's shoulder, snoring softly, and Kenshin watched as the sky went from black to a pale gray before being painted with the soft colors of dawn. Golden fingers of sunlight stretched across the floor, caressing Kaoru's sleeping features. She stirred, sleep mussed eyes cracking open. They closed again with a quiet groan against the light, but they opened a moment later and turned to look at the silently watching redhead.

"Good morning, Kaoru-dono."

She stared for a long moment before she spoke, her voice soft and vulnerable, "You stayed?"

His heart clenched and he reached for her hand, careful not to dislodge Yahiko, and hesitated before taking it but didn't withdraw. "Yes."

Blue eyes moved over his face then moved to Yahiko and finally to his offered hand. Her fingers twitched, but she didn't take the offer. He could see her wilting and turning away. Rejecting him. Kenshin swallowed past the lump that was lodged in his throat. "I won't let you go."

They were strong words, but they left him feeling vulnerable. He lifted his hand a little and she wavered a moment before she took his hand, holding onto it like a life-line. She turned onto her side, curling toward him, her blue eyes watching the young samurai sleeping on Kenshin's shoulder.

"Yahiko?"

Kenshin ran a thumb across the back of her hand, tilting his head to glance at the young boy. His mouth was hanging open slightly as he snored, the sight making Kenshin smile slightly. "He was worried." Violet eyes met blue. "He loves you."

Doubt clouded her features and she tried to pull her hand away but Kenshin kept a firm hold, insisting, "Yes. He does. Sano loves you. Megumi-dono. I―"

His voice cracked and his throat went dry. He swallowed, wetting his lips. "I―"

Yahiko stirred, his head slipping from Kenshin's shoulder and waking him with a start. Kenshin's mouth snapped shut and words fled. Yahiko blinked sleepily, suddenly aware of where he was. His eyes flew open wide and he exclaimed, "Kaoru! You're awake."

"I―" her eyes darted from Yahiko to Kenshin and back. "Yes."

Yahiko leaned forward, gingerly hugging her. Kenshin felt her fingers tense in his hand before her free hand rose, coming to rest lightly on Yahiko's back between his shoulder blades. "Yahiko?"

Kenshin caught the sound of a soft sniffle. Yahiko's shoulders hunched and Kaoru felt his fingers tighten in her yukata. Another small sniffle and he muttered, "I was scared."

Kaoru glanced at Kenshin, but Yahiko was pulling away, avoiding making eye contact with either of them. He brushed a hand across his eyes, darting a quick look at Kaoru. "I'm glad you're awake. I'll―I'll go fix breakfast."

He fled before either of them could say anything. Kenshin and Kaoru sat in silence for several minutes after Yahiko's departure. Kaoru's eyes were fixed on the redhead next to her, her hand clasped in his. He looked exhausted. His fingers flexed around her hand and he seemed to come back from his thoughts. He gave her a fleeting smile. "How are you feeling, Kaoru-dono?"

She looked away, avoiding the concern in his eyes. "What happened?"

Conflicting emotions crossed his face, but she didn't see. "You were ill. Megumi-dono says you will feel better in a few weeks."

Her free hand fluttered to her stomach and her mouth turned down. "I see."

"What are _you_ doing here?"

Kaoru stiffened and Kenshin twisted, eyes narrowing toward the sound of Yahiko's voice. Whatever reply the boy received was too low for Kenshin to hear, but he recognized the presence. He gave Kaoru a placid smile, rising calmly to his feet and casually making his way out onto the engawa. Yahiko stood stubbornly in front of Saito, fists clenched and eyes narrowed suspiciously. The taller man smirked, flicking ash from the end of his ever present cigarette. "Boys should respect their elders."

Yahiko bristled, growling angrily and Kenshin stepped further to the edge, speaking calmly, "It is fine, Yahiko. I was expecting Saito."

The boy grunted but stepped back and folded his arms moodily, watching the policeman with a wary eye. Kenshin darted a quick look at the woman standing silently behind Saito. She was tall, attractive―not unlike Megumi though she had a softness about her that Megumi lacked. "Good morning, Saito." He paused. "Tokio-dono."

"Battousai," Saito greeted.

Kenshin caught the momentary surprise that flashed across the woman's face before it settled into a sort of bland curiosity. She gave a short bow in greeting, but remained silent. He glanced at Saito for some direction, but the man seemed content to watch him struggle through social necessities. Kenshin cleared his throat. "Would you like some tea, Tokio-dono?"

The woman smiled, giving her husband a subtle nudge with her elbow that most would not have noticed. Saito rolled his eyes, drawing lazily on his cigarette. "Speak your mind, woman. You've got a tongue."

Tokio huffed, but good-humor shone in her eyes. "No, thank you, Himura-san. If Kaoru-san is willing, I would like to see her."

Kenshin nodded, excusing himself. "I will tell her you are here."

They waited patiently while Kenshin retraced his steps back to Kaoru's room. Kaoru was sitting on her futon, her blankets wrapped tightly around her, her face pale. He caught her relieved sigh when he stepped through her door though her eyes still darted anxiously toward the low murmur of conversation. "Tokio-dono would like to speak with you, Kaoru-dono."

"Tokio-dono?"

"Saito's wife," Kenshin offered by way of explanation. Alarm crossed her features and he hurried to reassure her. "She seems very kind, that she does. Will you see her?"

For several long minutes Kenshin thought she would refuse. She'd hidden out in the dojo since the incident, refusing all contact with old friends and acquaintances that dropped by to show their support and concern. Kenshin worried she'd lose herself and be unable to find her way back. Rakuninmura was full of just such people. Finally, she nodded stiffly and he went to bring Tokio in.

Once satisfied neither woman was in need of anything, Kenshin retreated back out to the engawa, shooing Yahiko out to the Akabeko. The young samurai grudgingly left, eyeing Saito suspiciously. Kenshin hid a smile. Saito may have proved to be an ally on several occasion, but the boy still believed the police officer only came around for a fight. Yahiko wasn't necessarily incorrect in that belief.

Saito huffed out a quiet sound of amusement, smoke curling around his head. "The brat ought to learn some manners."

"Yahiko is young. He is not a bad kid, that he is not."

Saito didn't dispute that and instead watched the smoke curl lazily through the air. Both men fell silent, neither having ever been on particularly pleasant terms with the other. Kenshin gave Saito a sidelong glance, commenting neutrally, "Tokio-dono seems like a pleasant lady, that she does."

Saito smirked. "It's amazing you lived through the war, Himura."

"Oro?"

Whatever Kenshin had been expecting, that was not it. Saito flicked his spent cigarette away, ignoring the shorter man's frown of disapproval. "Tokio wished to provide some kind of support and understanding for the girl."

Understanding dawned and the reason for the visit made sense. He was almost afraid to ask. "Tokio-dono?"

Saito was silent, his expression brooding, his hand resting on the hilt of his katana. He glared as if he could reach across time and space and slay his enemies. "War brings out the evil in many men."

Kenshin swallowed, focusing on a point across the yard. "Ishin Shishi?"

"Would you bear the guilt of other men, Himura?" Saito sneered. "No. It was an opportunistic crime. They paid dearly for their crime."

Kenshin could readily believe that. Saito suddenly pinned him with a flinty look. "You have a nasty habit of running from your problems, Himura. For the sake of your girl, don't."

Kenshin blinked in surprise, not so much from the threat beneath the words or the clear insult but that his former arch-nemesis was giving advice. Tokio stepped out onto the engawa, her gaze moving from her husband to the red-haired man standing at the edge. She smiled, moving toward him and placing a hand gently on his shoulder. Kenshin tensed beneath her touch and she caught his quick glance toward Saito. She ignored her husband's glare of disapproval and spoke calmly, "I've done what I can."

His eyes swiveled toward the bedroom. "Kaoru?"

Her smile turned sympathetic. "I've asked her to write if she wanted to. I also promised to visit should she wish. She's in that confusing stage where she knows it wasn't her fault, but still blames herself. Some days she'll accept your comfort, others she will shy away from it. She'll scream, cry, and reject you, but don't give up. Let her set the physical aspect of your relationship."

Kenshin nodded, his throat tight. Tokio smiled, releasing his shoulder and stepping toward Saito. "My husband spoke to you?"

"Hai," Kenshin agreed.

Tokio turned expectant eyes on her husband, raising her eyebrows. Saito sighed. "We understand each other, wife."

Satisfied, she turned to bow farewell. "Good bye, Himura-san. I would like you to write my husband to keep us up-to-date on your family."

"Arigatou gozaimashita, Tokio-san."

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The soap suds swirled slowly across the surface of the water. He'd been staring at the slow popping of bubbles for nearly an hour, the pile of dirty laundry next to him remaining untouched. He didn't really see the bubbles any more, lost deep within the barren wasteland of his thoughts. If, later, anyone should ask, Kenshin would not be able to say where his thoughts took him. His mind was disconcertingly blank.

A sharp yell from the dojo snapped him back to attention, eyes swinging to the nearby building and rising from his low crouch before his senses returned and he realized what he was doing. He forced the tension from his shoulders, not fully relaxing until he verified that it truly was just Yahiko practicing.

The people of Tokyo knew it was foolish to threaten anyone that inhabited, or was involved with, the Kamiya dojo. Especially after the placid, friendly redhead had stormed through town with murder in his eyes all those months ago. The jokes that the diminutive redhead living with the Kamiya girl was actually the dreaded Hitokiri Battosai were suddenly not so funny nor so far-fetched. Kenshin sighed, picking up one of Yahiko's hakama. That was more than ten months ago and he was still getting wide-eyed, fearful stares and uncertain smiles when he ventured out to the market.

Tokio was right. There were times Kaoru sought his presence, sought the comfort of his embrace to chase away the demons that haunted her. Not all the embraces involved tears. Other times she'd cringe from him, terror in her eyes and though he knew it wasn't him she was so terrified of, it still sent a dagger of ice through his heart. Those terror-filled panicked moments happened when he least expected them. She'd be helping him with the tea or looking at ribbons in the market and he'd reach past her, unintentionally brushing her shoulder and she'd flinch. He had no idea what to do when that happened and he hated that helpless feeling. He couldn't touch her because then the screams would start and it'd get worse. When those moments happened, he'd leave her with tea or his old gi and, if they were in the dojo, he'd flee to the washtub. Things were improving. Slowly. Kaoru was having more good days than bad now. Yahiko wasn't waking from nearly as many nightmares.

Gritting his teeth, he plunged his hands into the soapy water, scrubbing furiously at the dirty cloth. He still wasn't sleeping and he was feeling frayed. The one thing he'd feared more than anything was failing to protect those he loved. How do you protect someone from something you can't _see_? The furious scrubbing slowed and then stilled. He couldn't escape his own nightmares, how could he even think to rescue someone from theirs?

Kenshin put his head down, shoulders slumping. A hand fell to his shoulder, startling him to his feet. He hadn't realized his legs were numb until he was standing. He stumbled, tripping over the hem of his hakama and landing in a dusty heap.

"Oro?"

Surprised blue eyes looked down at him. "Kenshin?"

Shock went through him and he gaped up at her. She stood above him, the sun behind her back, her bokken over one shoulder and her hand extended towards him, fingers curling uncertainly. She was dressed in a hakama and gi. _Her_ hakama and gi. He stared. Concern marred her features and Kenshin quickly shook himself from his daze, exclaiming, "Kaoru-dono!"

He hurried to his feet, dusting himself off, flushed that he'd been caught unaware. He froze when a hand stilled his, surprise increasing when another touched his face. Kaoru stepped closer, ducking to look to his face. "Are―Were you crying?"

Kenshin blushed. "I―I'm sorry."

A compassionate smile rose to her lips―the first he'd seen in what felt like years―a glassy sheen of tears in her eyes. Both hands cupped his cheeks, her voice reaching his ears in a breathy sob, "Oh, Kenshin."

She stepped into him, her hands slipping from his face to around his shoulders. She pressed her face into his gi, sniffling quietly. Kenshin's hands hesitantly rose to rest on her back and her arms tightened around him. Uncertainty and the desire to comfort warred in him. This felt _different_. His heart thundered so loudly in his ears he almost missed her whispered, "I—we'll be okay."

His heart skipped a beat and he wondered if he truly understood what she'd started to say before she changed her mind. Shock held him immobile until he felt her tremble against him, uncertainty leaking into her ki. He stopped her before she could pulled away, gently drawing her closer to his body, careful to keep his touch light. Tears burned behind his eyes and he squeezed them closed in an attempt to hold them back. His heart leapt and he released a quivering breath, pressing his lips to her temple. They would be okay.

* * *

><p>Final AN: I actually spent a great deal of time deciding whether or not either of them would say "I love you" on screen and, up until posting, the words were the last thing written... and then subsequently deleted. And that's all she wrote.<p> 


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